you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
