Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
