What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
