I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize