im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
