okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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