oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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