If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
