I am in a vortex of obligation.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have post one night stand depression
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