There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
