If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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