she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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