Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
