I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
