Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need water and some morals
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
