I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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