I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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