I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
