If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
