Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
