This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
