One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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