I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
