its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
