Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
