he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
