hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
