A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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