that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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