Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize