omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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