one two three fourrrrnication!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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