you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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