If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
