I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
