oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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