so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
