so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize