I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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