1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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