i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
someone owes me an orgasm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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