if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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