if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
