your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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