I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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