The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I intend to get homeless drunk
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
