People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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