I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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