We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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