Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
