Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
