my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
