I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she peed on how many people?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
