i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize