didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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