Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
