honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
