I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
