Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
