Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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