Apparently you make a good broom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
