I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize