This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
