Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He felt like a one man threesome
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
