that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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