That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
