you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
