I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We have started to decorate penises.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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