were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
