like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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