so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't turn off my feet"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
