He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
