it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
