It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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